


Fic: I is for Identity

by Karo



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Amnesia, Backstory, Episode Tag, Flashbacks, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-19
Updated: 2010-05-19
Packaged: 2017-10-09 13:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/88183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karo/pseuds/Karo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vala suffers and loses her memory. Getting it back isn't any better.  Post-Momento Mori.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fic: I is for Identity

**Author's Note:**

> As part of [Sg1 Gen Fic Day](http://sg-fignewton.livejournal.com/152823.html) and [Vala Alphabet Soup](http://sg-fignewton.livejournal.com/153512.html), I give you:
> 
> [](http://sg-fignewton.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://sg-fignewton.livejournal.com/)**sg_fignewton**  for the beta and for creating the Vala Alphabet Soup ficathon and Gen Fic Day.  
> Words: 807  
> G for Gen. :D  
> Read the rest of the Alphabet [Here](http://sg-fignewton.livejournal.com/153512.html).  
>   
> Trigger warning: traumatic flashback. Mentions of torture and rape.

Vala's immediate mind was a mess of memories as she clung tightly to Daniel's jacket. He was silent and watchful, his eyes never leaving her face. She averted her gaze and looked out the window. The trees were green and greener and went too fast for her to see. She felt dizzy and squinted against the light. It was dull and white and too, too bright, the sky a suffocating blanket of grey. It was pressing down on her, pushing her out as it pushed itself in, mocking and heavy and silent

"Hey." Vala jumped as Daniel's voice pulled her back to her body. "You're safe now."

"Yes," she said and tried to breathe. Her breath caught and she gasped. Their concern was like a weight. Pressing, cloying. She didn't want it, didn't need it. She tried to imagine herself part of the landscape going by. It was no good. She was anchored to the present. To the stuffy air and plush seats and the people crowding in. Vala said nothing more the whole way back to the mountain.

 

They traded grey sky for grey walls and ceilings and corridors of buzzing light. The humming of electricity, activity. She knew this. She knew the smell and sense of weight and urgency, emergency. The lights flashed._ Incoming off-world activation. _People rushed by or walked past. Guns and clipboards, green and black, white and blue. The movement made her dizzy. She was flanked every step of the way. Daniel by her side. Teal'c at her back. Sam just near enough to touch, and Cameron led the way. Down, down, down in the elevator, the numbers blurred together.

 

She panicked when Dr. Lam told her to lie down.  
   
"I'm fine, really," she said, her hands shaking. "I just need a moment."  
 She tried not to remember before. Before in a chamber of gold on gold. Before on a bed, a goddess wed. Before when she spun away from everyone, the galaxy her own, her mind a wreck.

 

Daniel tried to hold her. She pushed him away and cried, silently. He let her go and she was free and falling and the floor was cool. She breathed in, she breathed out. She was herself. No one else. No one else. And she was sheltered. Because Daniel was terse and Cam was blunt and Teal'c was a tower and Sam sat down and held her hand and the nurse went away. And Dr. Lam, eventually, shook her head and let them be.  
   
_In and out. Up and down. Light and dark. The masses cower below her. Her Jaffa, loyal and strong. On the deck of her Ha'tak, the world below a rain of fire. On her throne, ordering an execution. In her lab, overseeing the tablet. Athena, the fool. Ba'al, laughing. A hand on her arm. A staff blast. Glowing eyes.__ The thrill of pleasure. A dead child. The Tok'ra. A device at her neck. The villagers, their stones. The hit. The fall. She runs and runs and runs and runs and -_

Vala woke, breathing hard. She heard the dull thud of footsteps, the beep of some machine, people talking. She opened her eyes.

"Hey," Daniel said. He stood at the end of her bed. Sam stood to his right and Teal'c next to Sam. Cam sat in a chair next to her.  
   
"Hey," she said, trying to regain her composure. "How long was I out?"

"About ten hours," Daniel said.

"We were getting worried," Sam said.  
  "Oh." Vala wasn't sure why they would be. Had she overslept and missed something? A few moments of silence passed.

"I'm glad you're ok," Daniel said.  
 Cam shifted in his chair and winced. "We all are," he said, face pinched.

Vala frowned.  "I'm sorry about your arm," she said.

He waved off her apology. "Not your fault. I'm just glad you're alright. Besides, you patched me up."

 

Sam smirked.

Cam glared at her. "Would you let that go?"

Sam shook her head, grinning.

"What?" said Vala.  
 "Cam's always losing his pants," said Sam. Daniel did a very bad job of stifling a snort.

 

Cam was not amused. "It was twice! Geez."

Vala considered the golden opportunity before her. "When was the first time?"

Cam groaned. "Oh, no," he said.  
  "Oh, yes," Sam said, and pulled up a few chairs. "Anyway, in an alternate reality, a version of us found a way to use a black hole to create a multi-universal rift."

 

"Long story short, alternate versions of ourselves started showing up through the gate," Daniel said as he sat down on the empty bed next to hers.  
 "The strangest thing you ever did see." said Cam.

 

"It was a most surreal experience." said Teal'c.

"Yeah," said Sam, "Even for us."  
 Vala smiled. Tentatively, she allowed their story to take her away from herself and on to something better.

~fin.  



End file.
